What I'm trying to tell you is that...
...your son is starving for stimulation and challenge, and for some order in his life.
Things that you don't provide but that I will.
I know that to deny a child's potential is to smother his true self.
Fred doesn't give a shit about his potential.
He just wants to be a normal, happy little kid.
Well, he's not normal, thank God, and he's certainly not happy.
And you underestimate him greatly...
...if you think that a summer by the pool will ever be enough for him.
Fred wants to go to college.
Don't take my word for it. Ask him.
Hey. What are you doin'?
Your résumé.
Oh.
So, I understand that you and Jane made some plans, huh?
So, were you just gonna sneak off to college without saying anything?
Fred, do you wanna go to college?
You know, Jane says you do.
It sure sounds great to me.
Sounds like a great opportunity.
I mean, you hang round here for too long and you might, uh...
...you might smother your potential or somethin'.
I'd sure feel real lousy if that happened.
Course, you know you're gonna have to live with her.
Which means you'd also miss out on a real summer vacation.
Hey.
You wanna go to college or you wanna go to Disney World?
I've already been to Disney World. I went with Jane, remember?
You look crabby.
I'm not crabby.
I'm pensive.
This'll take a couple of minutes, so why don't you just go park the car?
- Hi, Jane. - Wait, wait.
Just a minute, Fred. OK, now!
- Hi, Jane. - Hi, Fred.
Wow.
- You need a belt, kid. - No, I don't. I just need to tuck in my shirt.
You need a belt.
Hey, how about if we just say "See ya tomorrow" instead of "goodbye"?
If you send me the chequebook, I'll balance it for you.
I think I can take care of that, Freddie.
Who's gonna water the plants?
Hey, forget about the plants, OK?
Forget about the chequebook.
You're gonna have a great time.
So are you.
Every day that I know you, I...
I admire you a little bit more every day.
Every day I say to myself...
...this little kid is exactly the kind of person I wanna be.
I mean, let's face it.
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
So don't worry so much. OK?
Hey, love you big.
Go get your bag.
Dede, I know this must be difficult for you.
You might wanna keep an extra telephone around.
- Excuse me? - He likes to take 'em apart, you know.
Sometimes, uh... sometimes...
I understand.
Listen to me, Jane.
If anything happens to him, anything at all...
...I'll kill you.
Now, I don't mean that I'll just hurt you.
I mean that I'll kill you.
Hey. Give you a call from Orlando, OK? Hear all about your first day.
Bye, sweetie.
Hands on noses, guys.
See you tomorrow.
Now, Fred. These chores are your responsibilities.
And for every week that you do them correctly...
...we'll do something fun like go to the symphony, or rent a nice documentary.
These are soup bowls. These are not.
These are my glasses and these are your glasses.
These are your pens and your pencils.
And, Fred, these are my pens and my pencils.
It's not your mother's fault.
Most parents are ignorant to the benefits of macrobiotics.
If your mother had put you on a diet like this sooner...
...you might never have gotten an ulcer.
- Can I have a Coke? - Absolutely not.
- Sorry. - That's all right.
Everything that comes from the body is natural.
- Now can I have a Coke? - In the fridge.
Fred, I'll meet you outside on the steps right after class.
- All right? - Mm.
Good luck.
Come on. Let's sit you down in the front.
Would you mind sitting over there, please?
All right. Let's all calm down and shut up...
...so we can start getting Dad's money's worth.
Now, for those of you who may be lost...
...the name of this class is Phys 105.
Quantum physics. Not physical education.
All right. Everybody in the right place?
Goddamn college kids.
Morning.
Used to be young people respected other people's property. You could trust 'em.
Now, they come down here on vacation and they trash the place.
What do they care? It's not their house. Damn brats.
Then on top of that I got five undercover ABC guys circulating.
- The network? - Alcoholic Beverage Control, Gina.
Half my clientele on this particular evening is underage.
How am I supposed to know this?
Anyway... my liquor licence is now toilet paper.
Wait a second. You sayin' you're not gonna do the show?
Don't tell me we came all the way down here for nothin'.
Oh, boy.
You two got any waitressing experience?
- Come on! - Don't dive in the shallow end!
- At least they got water in the pool. - I could murder you.
- He said it's temporary. - He said his lawyers were working on it.
We can still make a vacation of it.
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
Hey, this ain't lemons, Gina. This is dog shit.
I mean, if I wanted to wait tables, I coulda stayed in the city.
Did you lose your mommy, sweetie?
Yo, kid! A little help with the Frisbee, huh?
- Whoa! Watch it, kid. - Sorry.
I have 50. Now, come on, people. Do I hear 60?
- Come on, people. This is for charity. - 70.
All right, I have 70. Do I hear 80?
I said 1,000, you racist frat-head.
Come on, mister. This is for charity.
What charity's that? The Inter-Geek Recreation Center?
That should change a few lives. Get outta my face, you jughead.
Hey, wait a minute.
Heads!
Excuse me, fellas.
- Eddie, you killed him. - I wasn't even aimin' for him.
- Besides, what's a kid doin' out here? - He's not a kid!
Get away from him.
Oh, God. Not again.
Fred! Fred?
Oh, Fred.
- This is called a sphygmomanometer. - It is?
- Hello. - Hey, Jane. Let me talk to Fred.
Dede. How are you?
Just peachy. Now where's Fred, huh?
- How many fingers? - Two.
- He can't talk right now. - How come?
- He's taking a nap. - So wake him up.
- I wanna hear about his first day. - He's very tired, Dede.
Cut the shit, Jane. Put the kid on the goddamn phone.
Here he is.
Now, Fred. You don't wanna get your mother all upset over nothing. Hm?
OK.
Hi, Dede.
Jane was late picking me up and I got hit on the head with a globe.
How's Florida?
Bicycle! Ohh!
The spin angular momentum of the beta particle of one half...
...must be balanced by a particle having a spin angular...
He's studying real hard.
He must be all of ten.
Yo, Muffy! What the hell you lookin' at? Get outta here, you punk.
Hey, how's your head?
Remember me?
I'm the guy that took your lights out the other day.
Well, look. I brought you a present.
Ta-da! Remember this? It's got a little blood on it, right there on El Salvador.
I think that's pretty cool.
- It's for you. I brought it for you. - Thanks.
You're welcome. My name's Eddie.
- Fred. - Nice to meet you, Fred.
- What's your major? - What's my major?
Damn! Who you been hanging out with?
Jane. What's your major?
Well, let's see. Russian Lit. Afro-Am. Poly Sci.
French. Swahili. Ooglie booglie.
Toilet trainin'. Eatin' dirt. Nose-pickin'. One of those. I dunno.
- So who's Jane? That your girlfriend? - The lady I live with.
Say, what are you doing this afternoon?
Just bringing in the mail.
Ooo-wee! That was swingin'! Was that swingin' or what?
We're gonna go on the road together.
But I can't play the classical stuff. You have to handle that.
You know what the funniest thing about Mozart was? His hair.
I'd say to Mozart "That's the ugliest hairdo I've seen".
I think Mozart should have a big Afro or a Mohawk, or a something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Swing along!
Yeah, man.
Swing it.
Well?
Looks good.
It's funny, Garth.
I'm experiencing a whole new side of me I've never felt before.
It's just a meat loaf, Jane.
No. To me, it's a lot more than a meat loaf. It's a milestone.
I mean...
...who would have thought that I'd ever cook anything?
Maybe you're turning over a new loaf.
- What do I do about Live Wire? - Do we have to discuss that now?
If Buckner wants to do an hour on gifted children...
What does Winston Buckner know about gifted children?
Why doesn't he do a talk show on petulant talk show hosts instead?
Oh! I've gotta make the salad.
That's why he needs you. And he wants to bring Fred on, too.
You could bring a few examples of his work.
He'd like that.
What time is it?
The object of the game is to bank the ball...
...so that you hit the other one right where the shadow is.
You wanna try to hit the ball nice and low.
That way you get a lot of backspin on it.
Pow!
- Like that. - Hey, Eddie.
- Hey, where the hell y'all been? - Anna fainted in the parking lot.
Say, everybody. This is my son Fred.
- Fred! - How ya doin', Fred?
Hey, kid. What are you doin' with the world?
It was a present.
Never mind, Officer. He's back. Yes, just now. Thank you.
- Fred! - Sorry I'm late.
Fred, where have you been?
Fred, you smell like a brewery!
And have you been smoking?
I was in a pool hall. I'm learning how to play pool!
- Good game. - Shut up, Garth.
Do you know what time it is?
7.03.
Do you remember what time I asked you to be home?
5.00.
Fred, if I tell you to be home at five o'clock, you're to be home at five o'clock.
Not six o'clock. Not seven o'clock.
Not 7.01, not 7.02 and certainly not 7.03.
I can't eat this.
No, of course you can't. It's cold.
No. My stomach.
Oh, my God, that's right.
Now, Fred. Let's not whine. There must be something for you to eat around here.
- I could go pick something up. - It's OK.
I already ate.
What? You ate without me?
We could have dessert.
No. We cannot.
A rule has been broken. We don't reward that kind of behaviour.
Now, Fred, I'm sure if we thought about it...
...we'd decide that pool halls are no place for someone your age.
If you want to play something, come and talk to me.
And, Fred, when I scold you, it doesn't mean I don't care about you.
It only means I'm trying to correct your mistakes.
Now, how about a nice game of Scrabble?
And... go.
Done.
- Isn't this fun?
Damn it.
- Fred. - I'll go get you another phone.
Fred.
- Hello? - Hey! What's up, huh?
- Nothing. What's up with you? - I'm gettin' a tan.
Oh.
Actually, it's more of a burn.
- So? - So?
So, listen.
What are you doin' next weekend, huh?
Huh?
Come on, it's 4th July. What are you doin'?
- How about a barbecue on the beach? - I'm gonna be on TV.
Let me speak to her.
Hi, Dede. It's Jane.
We were gonna call you. Fred and I have been invited to appear on "Live Wire".
Isn't that exciting?
Uh-huh.
I thought, if it's OK with you, we'd stay overnight to see the fireworks in the park.
Yeah, sure. Freddie'd love that. He would.
Great. Don't forget to watch.
It's Saturday at 12.30. Here's Fred.
Don't talk too long. It's costing your mother a fortune.
Hi.
Hey. Everything's good, huh?
Everything's perfect.
- I'm learning how to play pool. - Pool?
Yeah. My friend Eddie's teaching me.
Wow. Eddie.
Don't put down too many bets, OK, kiddo?
Look, I gotta go. Jane's giving me this test.
Yeah, OK. I tell you what. Um...
I'll call ya in a couple of days, OK?
OK. Bye.
- Oh, man, what time is it? - Too early for visitors.
Uh, Dave. Where's he goin'?
- Hey, girl. - Sorry. I didn't mean that.
- Hi, Eddie. - Fred!
- Fred, what are you doin' here? - You said we could...
Oh, Fred. Would you get outta here?
Go on, get outta here. Damn.
Very nice, fellas!
Very nice.
Fred!
Come on, Fred. Wait up, man.
Fred, wait up. Freddie. Wait up, Freddie.
Freddie, Freddie. Wait up, man.
Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you can't walk in on people like that, man.
You said we were gonna play pool.
- I did? - You said so.
People say that stuff to each other all the time.
That don't really mean that they mean it, you know?
Look.
You're a kid and I'm a grown-up.
I love doing stuff with you, but I can't do stuff with all day every day...
...cos I gotta do stuff with other grown-ups.
What I'm tryin' to say is that we can't hang out together all the time.
I'm not your babysitter, Freddie.
I just can't take that kinda responsibility.
But, hey... it's no big deal, is it?
Hi.
Oh, Fred.
What was the name of that computer that you raced in Dr Ellis's class?
- Mike. - Mike. That's it.
Fred, it's two o'clock in the morning. What are you doing up so late?
I had a bad dream.
Oh.
Well, why don't you get a drink of water?
What for?
Don't you want a drink of water?
I'm not thirsty.
Well, why don't you leave the light on, or turn on the radio? Something.
It's really late and we've got a big day tomorrow.
Uh... I can't hear you. Hey, is that you, Fred?
How you doin'? Are you missin' a good party down here.
- Is Dede there? - Whoo! We're celebrating 4th July early.
Me and Valerie woke up and everyone was in the pool. Bottle rockets!
Fenton, will you just tell...
A man waving goodbye.
Two cats fighting.
A capsized boat.
A dead body.
Well, we can stop on the way to the city and get something to eat.
Where's your tie?
- I need a belt, Jane. - Hm?
- I need a belt. - Oh.
Just tuck in your shirt, you'll be fine.
It seems to me you had a midterm the other day.
- How do you think you did? - Fine.
I'm sure you did splendidly.
You think you can tell me Beaton's refraction formula for the sun?
Mr Buckner might ask you that.
Energy plus parallax equals...
How come you always ask me about school?
Hm?
How come you always talk like you're reading a book?
How come nobody ever comes over?
And... how come you don't have any kids of your own?
What's wrong with you?
Now, remember, sweetface...
...zillions of people all over the world are gonna be watching you.
And that means no farting, no pickin' your nose...
...and no playing with little Mr Peabody.
Close your eyes.
Knock it off, Evan.
Fred?
You look very handsome.
Is she your mom or what?
She's my...
I dunno.
I'll go see if they're ready for you.
Do you like old pinball machines?
I dunno.
We have one in the basement. You can come play with me.
- Marco! - Polo!
Hey, you guys! Keep it down!
Welcome to "Live Wire". I'm Winston F Buckner.
Today we're gonna be asking the question "Is your child gifted?"
With me here to answer that are two distinguished academics...
...and several bright kids...
...from the best schools around the country. Welcome, everybody.
Now, children, do you read books or watch television like normal kids?
I'm working on experiments involving lasers, sulphuric acid and butterflies.
I'm designing a summerhouse for my parents.
- I bring in the mail. - You bring in the mail?
God, you look like hell, kid.
Well... Fred, we do many things together.
We go to museums, we go to the opera.
He writes letters to his Romanian pen pal.
These books are fake.
Fred, as I understand it, you're a poet, a painter, a musician...
...and what I guess one could call a...
- Marco! - Polo.
Now, with all that under that tiny little belt of yours...
...what would you like to be when you grow up?
- A fireman. - A fireman.
That's a pretty normal profession for such a... how shall I put it...
...an unusual boy like yourself.
When I was a boy, our mothers all wanted us to grow up to be doctors.
My mother's dead.
I, uh... I'm very sorry to hear that.
Well, enough small talk, Fred. What shall we do for our audience?
I thought maybe you could play the piano for us and do a few quick calculations?
- No. - No?
- Mr Buckner... - I'd like to recite a poem.
Ah, a poem by Fred Tate when we come back, right after this.
Hey!
Hey, you guys!
"Clipper Ships" by Fred Tate.
Go get your mother!
"Me and my dad make models of clipper ships."
"Clipper ships sail on the ocean."
"Clipper ships never sail on rivers or lakes."
"I like clipper ships because they are fast."
Fenton!
"Clipper ships have lots of sails and are made of wood. "
- Stand by. We'll be back in 30 seconds. - Oh, Fred.
Yes. Is Dede Tate there, please?
Where is she? Gone where?
Nice to meet you, too, Fenton.
Which flight is she on? Fenton? Which flight?
She's on her way.
Oh, what have I done?
Hi, kid.
Come here.
I figured you'd be here.
Sorry.
Sorry for what? You didn't do anything. Shh.
- I missed you. - I missed you, too.
I missed my dance partner.
Jane's mad at me.
No. She ain't mad at you.
She was just worried, that's all.
We're all gonna work it out, you'll see.
From now on, I'm gonna take care of everything.
You. Me.
Even Jane, OK?
Listen, Freddie.
The day you were born, first minute I saw you, you know what I said?
I said "This kid's special."
"This kid's gonna be different and I'm not gonna blow it."
But, um...
...sometimes, uh...
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doin'. Sometimes I just wing it.
I figure that...
I figure... I love this kid so much...
...it's gonna be OK.
And it will.
You'll see.
I love you, Mom.
I love you too, kiddo.
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late, but the cake took me longer than I thought to make.
Come here, birthday boy!
And incredible as it sounds, when I turned eight...
...I had the best birthday party ever.
At least, that's the way I remember it.
- Happy birthday, Fred. - Ooh, look at that!
Even Jane had a good time.
- Thanks, Jane. - You're welcome.
- Care to cut the rug with me? - N-no, thank you.
Come on, dance with the kid, Jane.
Nobody seemed to worry about anything.
- Hey, yaks. Wanna play a game? - Yeah.
You two hold your breath until I say stop.
Ha-ha ha ha-ha!
I once got this fortune cookie that said...
..."Only when all who surround you are different will you truly belong. "
- Thanks for the dance, Fred. - Hey, it's a party.
Gotta wear your party hat, Jane.
Well, we were all different, that's for sure.
I'd see Jane every day at the Institute.
And once in a while, Dede'd let her take us out to fancy restaurants.
Sometimes we even had fun.
- Ready?
For a while, I was the most famous kid at Jane's school.
But a year later, a six-year-old boy named Roy Yamaguchi got into law school...
...and suddenly I wasn't such a big deal any more.
But I didn't care...
...because I was happy.